


A Rift in Time

by KatRaygunMckay



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Best Friends, Desk Sex, Dragons, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Horny, Inspired by Music, Modern Girl in Thedas, Music, My First Work in This Fandom, Original Character(s), Past, Quick Sex, Romantic Fluff, Rough Sex, Sarcasm, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut, Time Travel, commander cullen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-11-08 15:15:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17983526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatRaygunMckay/pseuds/KatRaygunMckay
Summary: This is an accompaniment to the DA:I game and it's story. It has an Outlander time travel bonus dynamic to it. At it's core, though, its a Cullen romance story to accompany the main story line.





	1. Prologue of sorts

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at fan fic. This is a work in progress and I had trouble finding where to start in at so the first Chapter is kind of a mashup of times so we can get to where it all begins. 
> 
> Check back often. This is a fluffy smut tale. Floof at the beginning to establish things. A nice flirty build up with some drama to delay the wonderfully satisfying smutty conclusions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Setting up the story. I don't want to go over a lot of the Inquisition dialogue word for word so I summarise a lot of the main story beginnings in the first prologuey type chapter here. I even skip a lot of Haven. I just wanted to get to the point where Cullen and Emma start to get to know each other. This is a story of the times in between the fighting. The timeline is altered to suit the story, using a bit of creative license so I could concentrate on the relationship stuff more.

 

I was walking across the hospital parking lot to my scooter and a green glow just appeared in front of me. I was being pulled towards it. My shoes were skitting along the pavement. I looked around and people were frozen in time. Other than one woman at a bus station down the road staring vaguely in my direction, no one could see me. ‘Help!!…..’ I screamed as I fell through what looked like a glowing green wormhole. I screamed until my lungs had no more air to give and after what felt like ten long seconds of free falling, I went ass over tit because I was so disoriented..The green glow in the air disappeared and searing pain in my right hand revealed a blindingly bright glowing green mark, the same colour as the hole had emitted. It started to crackle before It exploded outward, the pain was searing. I cried out and all went black.

I woke up a few days later in a cell in a world unknown to me, surrounded by people I never met who wished me to carry out a plan so large, a world literally depended on my success at it.

A few months passed.

They tried to make me feel welcome. They gave me a little room in a house abandoned after the cultists had moved out of Haven years ago after the blight and although it was still guarded, Cassandra had started to trust that I was not responsible for Justinia’s death and that I would help the Inquisition any way I could. My years of archery lessons that my Mum had made me take, were an asset. Liliana taught me some her own stealthy archer moves and helped me become an effective sneak attacker. I practiced for months until I was given the chance to put it to use on the battlefields. Prior to this, I would just show up at the critical moment, shrouded in magic barriers and rock tonic armour and my own personal army, and I’d close the rifts with the mysterious magic of my hand.  It hurt every time. I was able to endure the pain, I was getting used to it, the more I did it. 

............................................

It was nearly a year on and a lot had happened. We were no longer in Haven, we had moved to an abandoned fortress in the Ferelden mountains after I had managed to fend off Corypheus' dragon, temporarily. I had my own room and it was exquisite. It was also in the highest most coveted of spots with gorgeous views over the mountains on one side and the other had spectacular views over most of the Skyhold grounds.

I had earned my accommodation by proving myself at Haven. I stood and fought Corypheus’ dragon, which bought time for the rest of the village to flee to our new home. We lost a lot of people that day and i barely made it out, myself. It was because I had stayed to ensure the safety of the village. The people viewed this as a selfless act, which proved to them that I was not a bad person as they may have originally thought. The people no longer believed that the Divine Justinia’s death was at my hands.

My closest associates and I had formed lovely friendships. In between the fighting, which I now proudly engaged in, we have laughs and we get to know one another. I live for helping Sera play pranks on our fellow inquisition members, it helps me feel grounded. She is the evil mastermind behind them, I am merely her henchman. Varric tells me stories, which I used to help me get accustomed to the world of Thedas. Solas is very wise and a tad arrogant, but not in a way that would really piss me off or anything. There are things to love about all of them.

My best and closest friend here is Dorian, he reminds me so much of my best friend and fellow nurse in crime, Cameron from back home. I missed him terribly. Dorian, very much like Cameron, has a wicked tongue and is not backwards about being forwards. He doesn't sugar coat things and I love it. I always know where I stand with him.

What must Cameron have thought happened to me? I hope he is ok. 

I can’t dwell on these thoughts long or I would go crazy trying to get back and not one sign or hint that going back is even a possibility has ever presented itself. Enough time has passed that I am starting to let my hair down a little and starting to think I might be stuck here permanently. I have used and extended my memory loss of all that happened when I fell through the rift, so that it covered my whole life prior. My friends here know my name and I gave them some childhood memories of things like my mother’s eyes or my father’s scratchy beard, but I can't tell them the truth of what happened, they would think I was completely mad. This was starting to become a constant niggle with me. I feel I owe them more than half truths now. I trust them and they trust me. I know I must let them in, but I am scared.

The Inquisition will hear my tale and think I am crazy. Anyone would. How would I even start that? I wish I had proof. The only thing I have that even remotely screams ‘different world’ is the shoes I fell through wearing, the wash instructions tags on my scrubs and the embroidered hospital name on the pocket and my necklace of a serotonin molecule that Varric thought was a constellation from the sky in the time zone of where I came from and a possible clue, but from on this planet.

They all know there is something different about me. They have seen me draw things with a skill most did not possess. They heard me sing words to songs they never heard. Some were so captivated by them they thought I must be a bard. My Mum was one of those that made me join every club imaginable so they saw me arrive with archery skills that were of a different style than anything they had seen before. I was taught archery after school since I was around seven, but I was unconventional in the way I moved. I danced a lot when I was on my own, I used to take dance classes. I melded this with my archery and karate classes into a kind of unique style, but it was yet another thing that made me stand out from the others. I had to watch myself more carefully, but I was terrible at it, always referring to things back home or places they never heard of or using strange slang from home. If I kept letting little things slip, they were going to draw their own conclusions. If I waited any longer to tell them, they would lose trust in me when I had worked so hard to gain it...

 


	2. Chapter 2

I was in the library, reminiscing about being back home with Cameron in a club after work. Cameron made me spend days learning dance moves and coordinating so we could be the centre of attention. I hadn’t even heard anyone come in. I was so lost in thought. Dorian and the Commander both caught me as I was singing out loud and had started acting out all the moves I could remember, some of them a little gyratingly suggestive in nature. I was really getting into it, swaying my hips back and forth and leaning suggestively on a bookshelf.  The moves were just about to get even more scandalous when Dorian rescued me by clearing his throat. I whipped around to see both Cullen and Dorian staring right at me. I was mortified at being caught off guard. I dropped the book I was holding, picked it up and started to walk towards them. They both grinned and Dorian broke the silence.

 ‘The next time I see the Wandering Minstrels coming, I am going to alert them to your array of talents, my dear.’ This made Cullen laugh out loud.

‘Yes, yes, you two...laugh it up. If you’ll excuse me.’ I skirted around the two of them and headed for the door. Purposely avoiding Cullen's gaze so he wouldn't see my beet red face.

‘Emma, dear? You will of course be at the tavern later, yes?’ Dorian said as I turned the handle to leave.

‘Save me a seat’. I waved backwards and exited, keeping my cool and swishing my hips a little until the door closed behind me. My cheeks flushed even more and my heart raced like a greyhound. My guts curled up in my abdomen. __Oh god, I could die. He is so__ _ _flipping gorgeous__ _ _and I have just proved to him that I am indeed, a__ _ _huge__ _ _idiot.__  

I had it bad. Another reason I had avoided trying to find my way home at the moment, but neither did I want to proceed with anything further than admiring him from afar. I was in a kind of limbo with my life here. That’s what my head tried to tell me, but my heart and my body betrayed me every chance it had to get close to Cullen Rutherford. He doesn’t think of me like that, so what would be the point of pursuing anything with someone who doesn’t feel the same or when I could be shot through time again at any moment.  _ _Dammit, why can’t I stop thinking about him?!?__  

Cullen and I started out a little bit at loggerheads. He didn’t know who I was or why I was here and was slow to trust me. I was, of course, a prisoner of sorts to start with. No one knew quite what to do with me, until Cassandra convinced them all I was not to blame for the Divine’s death. Cullen and I would have the occasional chat at Haven. Often before the rest came into the War Room. I thought I noticed lingering glances a few times and I couldn’t help stealing looks myself. He was definitely an attractive man. __So attractive. Those eyes, that scar, that smile.__  I had asked him about his time with the templars and what living in Fereldon was like. I would occasionally interject a flirtatious comment here or there, but it always seemed to disarm him. I could never tell if I was pushing things in ways he wanted them to go. He would just clear his throat or rub his neck and answer awkwardly like it made him uncomfortable, so I backed off a bit until that night at Haven when the dragon came. We shared a moment, or at least I thought we did. When he realised I was staying behind to allow him and the others to flee, the look in his eyes when he begged me to find a way out of Haven and when I finally passed out in the mountains, I swore I felt him close to me during my rescue. I occasionally catch him smiling at me at the war table, but he smiles and jokes with Leliana all the time, not that I think there is anything between them but a lovely friendship and comradery. I still find myself jealous of that because I have no inside jokes or common background. I can’t share my past with him or anyone here, no one will believe me and so I have nothing of myself to share. If only I had some sort of proof of where I came from. I think Varric is getting suspicious that I remember more than I am letting on. I think they all are. I have to come clean soon, no matter what they think of it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunken tomfoolery. Friendship and the tiniest of flirtings.

I threw on one of my casual outfits, a pale grey laced up top that still looked quite opulent with all the shiny metal embroidery and claps and my dark grey breeches with my black boots. Josephine liked to make things pretty so she had a few of the finest things shipped from Orlais. It got us a few points when Orlesian's would come visit. I didn’t mind, the stuff that was made for me was gorgeous and some of the wine was exquisite, nicer than anything I would have had back home. I threw a brush through my wavy auburn locks and grabbed my coin purse and headed to the Herald’s Rest.  

I hated going in on my own, the well lit entrance was placed just so that everyone on nearly every floor could see who had just entered. The place went silent as I came in the door.  So annoying.

‘Boss! This way, I saved you a seat between me and Dorian!’ Bull waved frantically and I was grateful. I squeezed in between them and sat just as Krem leapt up from the table. ‘What’ll it be Inquisitor?’ I liked him a bit more every time I had a chance to speak to Krem.

‘Oooooh, I would like to start with a Mackay’s epic single malt and …..hmmmmm…. I will chase that with a glass of their finest red please?’ Krem looked a bit worried as a Mackays Epic cost more than a whole round of ale. _I better get this one._ ‘Actually, I will go with you!’ got up to join Krem, he looked relieved.. ‘My round, who wants what?’

‘Ale! We always want ale!’ they raised their glasses and chanted ‘Ale ale ale ale ALE!’’ It wasn’t pleasant despite their tipsy smiles, so the quicker I got their round, the better.  

It was heaving tonight. A lot of us had come back at the same time to refuel. Taking out the red templars was exhausting work. The combo of power and fury and madness made for gruelling and bloody battles. Krem got a pretty good wound to the shoulder and a few of us were nursing fresh wounds.

‘How’s the shoulder?’ We made small talk until Cabot, the prickly bartender noticed us.

‘Alright, Inquisitor, thanks for asking. How did you come out of it?’

‘I am exhausted, but unscathed. I had Dorian’s protective magic over me for the most part. He gets so annoyed when I start throwing in my gymnastics moves in with my archery. I keep flitting in and out of range.’ I hadn’t even realised I had said another word from home, but Krem definitely noticed, I saw it on his face, a quick moment’s confusion,  and I had no doubt he would share this with Bull at the earliest opportunity. __Shit. All because I said gymnastics.__  I have got to tell them soon or they may think that all these secrets have sinister purpose. How does one tell the people you have been fighting next to for a half a year now, that you have come from a different time and place? ‘Cobot, my good man!’ I waved frantically, giving the man no choice but to acknowledge me.

‘Yes, Inquisitor, what can I get you.’ He said flatly. He was always a joy and a treasure to speak to. No one was at the bar for his chit chat, we all came to relax and shrug off the last few weeks, I just wished he was more understanding of these things and maybe reduced it to every other comment that dripped of sarcasm. He looked at me expectantly. I noticed there was a group of ex-templars at the bar that left the order to join the Inquisition  and had only barely time to adjust before they were sent out there to kill their friends who were too far gone in their red lyrium madness and who stood before them as abominations. These are fates that would have taken them as well if they hadn’t listened to Cullen’s warning. I felt guilty for grabbing Cabot first now...

‘You men order first, you could use it even more than me.’

They thanked me, got their orders in and ordered me a wine, which I sloshed back with them quickly. I had left Krem with my coin purse and our whole drinks order to manage. We headed back to the table where Dorian and Varric were competing for story telling privileges.

‘Well that is all well and good, Varric, but did I ever tell you about the time I signed the Countess du Picrate’s receiving book with SIr Henri Gober and caused one of the biggest political scandals in all of Orlais? And I was only there for a week! Sit, Emma, this is a good one, one of my best.’ Dorian patted the space next to him.

It _was_ a fantastic story. We were all in fits of laughter when it concluded. The poor Commander walked in right at the end and missed the whole lead up. He stood confused as we were still holding our sides, tears of laughter streaming down our faces. ‘Here Commander, pull up a chair, I got a drink for you here.’ _What the flipping fuck was I doing? _.__ I held up the Mackays and every single person at my table and maybe other tables stopped what they were doing and watched what was transpiring. _Fuck fuck fuck_. I had to claw this back somehow. 

‘What? He rarely comes in here and he has been fighting side by side with us for weeks. He is a top advisor and without him, this Inquisition would go nowhere so …..ahem….let's all raise a glass to our Commander!' _Did I nail that or do I look even more obsessed now? Hard to tell at this early stage..._

‘Uh….thank you, Inquisitor, but I just came in to have a word with Bull about tomorrow. I need to finish my paperwork before I turn in. Perhaps another time, but thank you.’ He shifted uncomfortably, but offered a side smile. 

‘Cull-en, Cull-en, Cull-en!’ the chant started. I joined.

‘Maker’s breath, fine.’ He laughed and then slung back the shot but instantly realised, as it hit his tongue and with a look of surprise, that it was nothing close to the usual Dragon’s Piss going around Thedas at the moment. No, it was, from what he could tell, a single malt. Very strong stuff, but refined and delicious. He took time to savour and roll it around on his tongue. I found myself wishing we would roll me around on his tongue like that someday and with that much veneration. _Me-ow_. Cullen likes the good stuff. Note to self. I'm staring at his mouth for way too long. 

Bull slapped him on the back just as he too was getting lost in thought and he swallowed the whisky, it looked like warmed his throat the whole way down and left him grinning. ‘Thank you very much for the drink, Inquisitor.’ He smiled sideways and the two headed out to have a word, leaving us at the table to resume our merrymaking.

Dorian's mouth was practically on the floor. I sat back down on the bench and grabbed my wine and gulped it down. He stayed staring at me, waiting for me to say something. He knew I wasn't going to willingly out myself here. I needed a tiny push. 

‘So, you just hand out Mackays Epic willy nilly now? Well, the next time you go to the bar, hand me one then!’ Dorian looked at me, waiting to see if I would just admit things or skirt around it as I always did. That menacing eyebrow was raised to make his point. I wasn't getting out of this without admission. 

‘Ok, ok, I am completely obsessed and I don’t know what to do about it. It’s completely inappropriate with what’s happening at the moment. Why can’t I just find some soldier to cop off with and be done with it? That Michel guy we recruited from Emprise du Lion? He would do.’

‘Right, I don’t know what you are so worried about here and more the point, I have no clue in what part of the world people say ‘cop off’, but I am assuming it means to have relations? Well then yes, why haven’t you 'copped off' with a soldier or two or three even, as I have done, many many many times before?’ He laughed and grabbed goblet and drank. 'Michel would be a wasted effort for you, you lack the proper equipment, Emma.'

'No, he is not, oh stop it. You claim all the hot ones swing the opposite way, they can't all swing the opposite way! And why haven't you claimed our Cullen to be of the same persuasion?' It was my turn for the eyebrow. 

'Oh hush, stop trying to skirt around the issue here.'

‘I don’t know. I don’t even know how it happened. Normally that is exactly what I would do, I bet these soldiers would do anything I wanted, would bend over backward to please their Inquisitor, I could get my kicks and have no attachments. Oh how I wish it was that easy for me, but they wouldn't be Cullen. He has got right under my skin. It's so annoying! And he’s staying there like some sort of ..........sexy parasite!’ We stared at one another.

Silence. Our lips twitched.

…..

...

..

‘Bwahahahaha!!!’ We both erupted into fits of laughter. It’s official, we were sloshed. ‘SEXY PARASITE!’

‘Bwahahahahahaha!!!!’

And it all went downhill from there.

More laughter, more slurring, I think I danced on a table at one point. I definitely remember someone waking me towards the end from a little table nap. 

‘Do find your bed, Emma, the tavern is closing and Cabot looks like he’s about to spit nails at us if we don’t get out of here.’ Dorian grabbed a tankard and left me to find my own way back to my quarters.

_Why can’t I know when to stop drinking?_

_I am in a shrub. Up ya get, Emma._

I finally stumbled to my room. I am not a graceful woman at the best of times and only half a glass of my ‘wine on the go’ arrived with me in my quarters. This was a blessing. I needed sleep and barely removed my clothing when I gave up and hit the pillow. I drifted off thinking of Cullen mostly, but also how I somehow turned into this bow-wielding, rift closing bad ass who fought the most frightening creatures. Creatures if I came across in my old life, would have devoured me instantly as I peed myself in fear. I thought of my old life and how long ago and far away it seemed. I was a nurse, I earned a good wage, I had a nice life. Yeah, I had a lot of heartache with the ex-boyfriend thing and I would never want to go through that again. I would never go through that again. So, what am I doing with this Cullen thing? What if I got sucked back through to my time just as we start something or worse when it was way down the line. What if I never got sucked back in? I am homesick. Cullen doesn't like me like that anyway.

I cried myself to sleep.

_Christ, I am one of those kind of drunks now…_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter home

I woke with the worst hangover I had ever had. I didn’t leave my room for two days. I claimed I had picked up some sort of cold. Dorian knew the truth and brought me a huge jug of water and sent some healing magic through me, but I wanted to be alone despite the relief. I wrote letters to my family as if they lived in this world. I did it to make myself feel better for not being able to contact them in person. Today, I wrote one to my best friend and confidant Cameron.

* * *

 

_Cameron,_

_It’s been months now. At least, I think it has. This world doesn’t keep the same time as ours. Do you still wonder what happened to me? I wish I could actually get this letter to you to assuage your worst thoughts. I wish I could just send you a text like the ones we used to send using just emojis to say what we were trying to say. I miss your morning texts after you’ve woken next to some guy you went home with at the club. I miss those little suggestive fruits._

_Cam, I met someone and while I think of how I would describe him to you, all I can say is that he would be your ultimate conquest. The hot jock straight guy who both of us would have daydreamed about and drooled over. Well, just know that even though I am far away, I am upholding our traditions and drooling enough for the both of us. It’s not the same without my partner in crime, though._

_What I wouldn’t give to be stealing all Deeney’s pens with you right now. Remember the day we did a one up on the prank and sent her ransom emails for her favourite one? You took pictures of it gaffa taped to the wall with a knife pointed at it. I miss my best friend so much._

_Dorian, my god, I don’t know if you would be completely in love with him or see him as your nemesis. I don’t think you would like the great friendship I am starting to have with him. No, you would be a jealous rage demon. Speaking of rage demon, I fought one single handedly last week. Yeah, didn’t expect that in this letter did you? I kicked its ass. You would have been so proud of me. Well, I think you would have...I wonder if you would like the new me? Part of me is worried that if I get sucked back to my old life, I wouldn’t want it anymore. Cameron, I would always want you in it, so don’t even think, I just mean the rest of it. I am so different here. This is a world that has given every push I needed to dig deep and pull out of me, a woman who isn’t as scared of stuff, a bit more outgoing, less judgemental and definitely hornier._

_Did I mention how hot Cullen is? Fuck me, Cameron, you’d be on that like a rashvine._

_I know what you’re wondering and no, I haven’t. I am not even close. If I wasn’t the Inquisitor (I know, right? WTF?) then he probably wouldn’t know I exist. Thank god for the green glowing hand then. I will tell you all about it in my next letter. Until then, just imagine it like a Pink Floyd laser show coming out of the middle of my hand. It kills monsters and closes rifts that are glowing green in the sky. Yep, I realise how that sounds and I promise, I will explain more._

_Anyway, I must really try and leave my room. I have been stuck in here for a day and a half now and I really need to start getting ready for our next road trip. Trust me when I say they are NOTHING like the one we took to Edinbrugh._

_I miss you more than you could ever know._

_Love,_

_Emma_

_PS. His body…..just …..wow. I saw him shirtless the other week, just a glimpse and it’s been ‘in the bank’ (wink wink, nudge nudge) ever since._

 

* * *

 

I needed to get out of here and kill things. We were heading out to the Hinterlands looking for some artefact in the morning. I hoped we met some people needing killing along the way. I had some stuff to work out. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First real flirty action happens finally. Secrets are starting to be revealed about our Inquisitor.

Another week of fighting passed and I found myself back in my room at Skyhold. While we rested at the Upper Lake camp, Varric and Solas were talking to me and Solas, with his twisted intuition, flatly asked me if I remembered anything more of my past life before the rift. I didn’t want to lie anymore so I started the process of coming clean. I said yes, that I had started to remember things. Little pieces of a puzzle not yet solved. I told them that my story was different than what the supporters of the Inquisition believe and that I was scared the people would not back the Inquisition if they knew the truth.. Solas said that was probably the case with a lot of our pasts. I took a bit of comfort in that. I heard Cullen speak to Leliana the other day about how things went down in the Circle of Magi and then for him at Kirkwall and he admitted that his judgement of the mages had been skewed due to the torment he suffered while imprisoned in the magic cage. Varric freely admitted to me that there were certain jobs in his past that he wished he wouldn’t have taken and that were morally questionable. I knew that Leliana herself started as a bard and admitted that in the early days of her job, the role required her to do things she probably wouldn’t do now. Blackwall’s past as Thom Rainier had all just come out in the open. Would they accept me? 

 

I pulled my boots on and prepared to head to the War Room for the next plan of attack in this never ending war, but when I grabbed my coat a note fell out of it. 

  
  


_____________________________________________________

Meet me near the stables at midday. I have some answers for you. Couldn’t say anything in camp with sharp prying ears around. 

 

-Varric 

_____________________________________________________

 

I ran there. 

.

.

.

.

‘Cassandra tried to make me open it, but I told her, I couldn’t. I claimed it was different from the locks I have come across, but I wouldn’t have opened it anyway, I am a huge believer in personal privacy.’ Varric looked at me knowingly. ‘I know how that sounds and yes, I will write about all your secrets eventually, but….. I will change your name and enough details so no one will know it’s you! It’s not from around here, is it? And by that, I mean ALL of Thedas.’’ Varric asked as he threw my shoulder bag down in front of me. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. My satchel style shoulder bag in Navy and brown leather with a mock lock that had Varric tried it, would have gave way instantly. 

 

‘My bag. MY BAG FROM HOME!!’ I couldn’t believe it. I wondered what had happened to it and had assumed that somehow it got sucked back to my old time. I threw it across my body. The grin I was sporting had ate my entire face. I wondered what I had in it.

 

‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, Varric and I promise, I am nearly ready to tell it’ I hoped he didn’t press. ‘I will tell all of you everything. I just need to get my head round it and figure out how best to handle it. This is a time of war, every decision needs to be analysed for the best possible outcome.’

 

‘We all have our secrets, including me, Buttons’. Varric assured me. He calls me ‘Buttons’ on account of his odd fascination with the buttons on the shoes I was wearing when I landed. The buttons are made of plastic and of course, there was no such material in all of Thedas. They're also quite intricate with small jewels of different colours. I wore them in the ER, along with my colourful head scrubs. I guess I was trying to make something bright and pretty for people to notice on their toughest and most horrible of days. A few people here had assumed I was Orlesian or from Tevinter when I first fell through the rift because my clothes were so different. They thought only someone from those regions had the money and connections to have them imported from some far off lands. 

 

I hugged and thanked Varric again and told him I needed to write some letters and I headed for my room. I wanted nothing more than to see what was in my bag. My phone was in my hand, so I doubt I was ever seeing that again, not that it would have any battery left, but I was hoping something else might be in there. 

 

I was almost to the door in the Great Hall when I literally smashed into Cullen’s armour, making a huge thud and sending me straight onto my arse. Great. Again, I look like an idiot in front of him. 

 

‘Emma! Are you alright?’ he bent down to help me up. He had a hint of smile in his eyes when he realised I wasn’t injured. 

 

‘God, I am so sorry, Cullen. I wasn’t paying any attention, my mind was elsewhere. I…’

 

‘Where was your mind? Maybe I can help. Do you fancy a little walk?’ He was grinning and way too enthusiastic for this overcast misty soup of a day. 

 

‘I…..was…..uh…...ok, sure. Lead the way, Commander.’ I brushed myself off and swing my bag round my back, hoping the gesture went unnoticed. A walk?

 

‘Please, Emma, I think we are at the place in our lives where you can call me Cullen.’ He looked down at the ground nervously. ‘Aren’t we?’ 

 

‘Of course, yes. Sorry, I was just jarred from my clumsiness. Where was I? I was just talking to Varric and he found something of mine that I dropped when I fell through the rift. He thought it might give me some clues about my past.’ I looked up at him and held my bag out as we walked through the halls of Skyhold. ‘When I was in the Hinterlands with Solas and Varric, I confessed that I was starting to remember things. Pieces of my past. I also confessed that these pieces make things more complicated and I don’t know what it will mean to the Inquisition yet, so I must be very careful how I handle things.’ Cullen stopped walking and looked at me with concern. ‘Saying that, I consider you an important ...um...person in my life so I am telling you this before going forward.’ I was getting fidgety.  ‘I need you to know that I will tell you everything, but please let me do it on my terms and trust me that it is with the Inquisition’s best interest at heart …..and...yours.’ and  _ breathe. _

 

‘Of course, Inqu...Emma.’ He ran his hand to his neck like he does when he is nervous. ‘I trust you. You have never given me reason not to.’ He opened the door to the heavily misty grey day. 

 

‘I..It’s a nice day.’ Cullen stumbled over his words and seemed extra nervous today, but there was a hint of sarcasm in there due to the drab weather. 

 

Cullen has the most beautiful eyes. They are a light golden brown and just gorgeous and his look, dear lord, that is all it takes. I am so weak. This man does things to me, things I can’t seem to control. I want him in my bed so badly, it’s all I can think about.  _ Oh god, just say something... tell him how you feel. Just say it, you crazy lunatic woman. You’ve been staring at him too long _ .

 

‘Listen, Cullen, I… I am really scared that I could be sucked into a rift at any moment. If it spat me from out of nowhere, it can spit me out somewhere else just as easily. I don’t fully understand this mark on my hand, what it can really do or why I am here.’ I chose not to come out with every detail yet, I don’t want him to think I am not of sound mind. ‘Cullen, I come from a different place. What if in the middle of all of this, I go right back there?’ I searched my fidgeting hands for my next words. ‘I care for you and I don’t want to be taken away from here or from you. I know I shouldn’t be here with you right now, but I am... I don't know how you feel about me, but...'

 

Before I had a chance to regret my words he closed the gap between us. ‘ I have wondered often, what I would say to you in this situation, Emma. I played it out in my head so many times and now that you are here, I just stumble on every word. I become an inarticulate idiot around you. I just....’

 

‘You’ve thought of me too? What’s stopping you?’ I asked.

 

His  his forehead furrowed  ‘You’re the Inquisitor, We’re at war….and I didn’t think it was possible.’ He stepped even closer. ‘It seems too much to ask, but I want to and I've wanted to since I met you.’ Cullen leaned in to kiss me and that same poor messenger recruit that interrupted us the other day during a brief flirty exchange, he walked right smack into the moment. Cullen glared at him for what seemed a long time until he finally put two and two together and retreated. I was a ball of nerves and adrenaline and I was just about to make excuses and duck out when his mouth crashed into mine. I let out a squeak of surprise before throwing my arms around him and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss, letting my tongue dart out and search for his. His hands sought my hips, paused, and snaked around my back. As he drew me into his arms. I felt like the world was spinning around us. Cullen was taller than me, so I popped up on my tippy toes to get as close as I possibly could. He wrapped his arms tighter around me and hoisted me up without breaking the kiss. My feet dangling. I laughed into his mouth and he put me down. 

 

His kiss softened and he broke away to look at me. ‘Emma, wow...that was....’ He smiled and then looked into the distance, looking for what to say next. ‘I could stay here all day with you and it would be the perfect day. My armour may rust in this mist, though. What a splendid day I chose for a walk, right?’’ He chuckled at his own thoughts, turned to me and grabbed my hand and started leading me back to Main Hall.  ‘I want to drag you to my room and kiss you all day and talk and laugh but, alas, I am supposed to write Rylen about what Dorian said at dinner last night. It might help him and his men at the keep take out the last of the Venatori stragglers. The sooner I get that letter to him, the better. He’s the best man I have out there.’ 

 

I smiled and nodded in understanding. Cullen had told me about his friendship with Rylen. They had met in Kirkwall just as the uprising had reached its climax. Cullen had confided in Rylen, the horrors he had been through. Rylen has seen his fair share as well and once it was over, Cullen told him about the Inquisition and Rylen followed him. They were good friends now and he was Cullen’s second in command and most trusted Knight Captain.

 

‘Are you free tomorrow? I know of a lovely spot we could ride to, it’s not far.’ He opened the next door and we both paused in the corridor. 

 

‘I am heading out to Val Royeaux with Josephine in the morning. I should only be gone a few days. She says I need a break. Quite frankly, I am terrified, Cullen. I think I am going to come back wearing endless ruffles and smelling like a rare exquisite flower, I hope you’re ready for that?’ I chuckled.

 

‘Orlesians and their games, it all gets so complicated with them...It sounds like my worst  nightmare. When do you think you will return?’ He took both of my hands in his. I could get used to this. Just the feel of his touch, sent little electrical signals to all the best places. 

 

‘I shouldn’t be gone longer than a week, I wouldn’t think.’ I went on my tip toes again and planted a little kiss on his lips, trying to coax him into staying with me like this a bit longer. He laughed and kissed me back lightly a few more times, but growled quietly in frustration and stepped back.

 

‘See me before you head off?’

 

‘Yes, Commander, I will see you at dinner this evening.’ I heard him chuckle as he walked away. 

 

_ Oh my god, where is Dorian. I need a drink.  _


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lovely fluff and filler before things get to heat up again.

_MY BAG!!!_

 

I ran back to my room, shrugged off my coat and leapt on the new bed Josephine had installed for me last week. I opened the satchel and the first thing I saw was my journal and favourite pen. I pull them out as I go. A bottle of sports drink in an unnatural fluorescent yellow colour. _Oh!_ My favourite sweatshirt that I pulled over my head to mark the end of nearly every day at the hospital. My ex had given it to me when we went on the ferry to France a few years back. I was freezing with all the wind and spray. I was nothing special, it was just big soft maroon sweatshirt and I loved it. It had holes in places and it was about 2 sizes too big. I threw it on and I smelled hints of my favourite fabric conditioner. _Home._ Before I could investigate the rest of the bag, I heard a knock on my door. I threw the contents back in, whipped my sweatshirt off ‘One minute!’ I shouted as I threw all the stuff in a drawer the wardrobe. ‘Coming!’

 

It was Dorian, thank god. I brought him up to my room his mouth had opened like he was about to launch into a long one, but before he could say anything about anything, I told him everything. It had to start somewhere. Might as well start with someone I consider to be my best friend here. I showed him the contents of my bag and told him the entire crazy story. That I was a nurse and I was on my way home after a night shift when a green rift appeared and pulled me right in. I told him my parents had both died, but I had a brother and my best friend Cameron. I told him how he reminded me of Cameron and how I was so thankful Dorian was here. I made him take a sip of the energy drink. He found it hideous, but it was the label that held credence to my tale. The nutritional information on the side also stated where it was bottled in England.

 

‘What? No witty comment or a question for me?’ I said nervously. His eyes looked sad.

 

‘You poor girl. You have been so strong.. You must be beside yourself with worry and here you are in a world with people of all types and creatures you have never met before and you are stuck right in the centre of endless war you know little about but are forced to fight in.’ He hugged me. ‘I knew I liked you the moment I met you, Emma. You are incredibly brave. Thank you for showing me these…….…..first.’ He smirked. I laughed.

 

Thank god. Maybe if Dorian believed me, the others would.  One down…..so many more to go. Dorian dragged me to the Herald’s Rest, he said he needed to unload some stuff on me that was bothering him. We shared three bottles of wine, a conservative amount for us. He had found us a table off to the side and tucked into a corner where we were undisturbed. We talked about everything. I told him about the kiss with the Commander. He was not at all surprised. Dorian was having love issues of his own. He is from a very well to do and respected family in Tevinter and he is also very much in love with a huge Qunari warrior we all love and fight beside. It couldn’t be more Romeo and Juliet for my modern day world back home. I enlightened my friend on Shakespeare's famous work and I shared what my world was like, what my life was like. We talked until the wee hours of the morning. I dragged myself back to my room. It was nice having the room I did, but christ on a bike, what a trek when you’ve had a bit to drink. Dorian walked me home. I was so tired, I was out the moment my head hit the pillow. I was awoken the next morning…..err…...afternoon, by one of Leliana's team. The party was heading out to Orlais in less than a half an hour. I ran around like a headless chicken to get dressed and pack a few essentials. I didn't have a chance to see if my special item was in my bag, I didn’t see it when I went for the sports drink. It would have to wait for my return. I didn’t have a chance to spend any time with Cullen before I went, either. I would have really liked another kiss.

* * *

 

 

The trip with Josephine did not go according to plan. Does it ever? Leliana wanted me to meet one of her scouts on the way to Orlais and it all went pear shaped from there. The scout wasn’t there, we searched and found signs of a struggle at the camp. I immediately sent Josephine and some guards to safety in Orlais. Upon searching further, Solas, Bull and Cassandra and I ran into not only around a dozen Red Templars, but some of those huge fuckers too. We dealt with them only to find a few Venatori were also searching these woods. It was never ending.

What was supposed to be a relaxing trip away turned into drama, blood and chaos. I never made it to Orlais. I fought continuously for over a week. Thankfully, Josephine pulled a few strings and sent me some heavy Orlesian army assistance.

It was another week until the area was cleared. I was the most fatigued I have ever been. I honestly didn’t know people could still keep going at this stage, but here I was riding back to Skyhold. I drifted to thoughts of my longest days in the ER...even those didn’t compare to how tired I was now. I started falling asleep on my horse. I prayed we met nothing along the way. With the way I felt, even a mosquito could take me down.

‘There it is!’ Solas proudly shouted. I think he still has a little chip on his shoulder about the fact that he was the first to show it to me, the way it peeked out of the mountains in all it's glory. This early evening, however, I didn’t give a toss. This was one time, I didn’t even look up to marvel at its beauty, I just wanted a hot bath and my bed. I was pushed to the brink and could no longer perform small talk or pretend that I was anything but a zombie.

I came in, walked past everybody.

‘A bath is on the way, Inquisitor. Should be ready soon.’ One of the workers said. I nodded in acknowledgement.

Luckily, it was late enough in the evening that most folks had gone in for their suppers. I got to my room, I threw all my stuff in a corner and grabbed my satchel from home. I emptied the contents and checked all the hidden pockets until I found my prized item hiding in one of the zippered pockets on the side. I grabbed it and the last of the sports drink and headed to the farthest reaches of Skyhold to a secluded spot at the highest point to wait for my bath to be ready. The room with it’s partially crumbling roof offered the best views and more importantly, if offered solitude. I needed solitude. I even warned off Cole in case he was lurking near. I said ‘Surely you can sense how I am feeling right now, so if you are here, please go, Cole, I need to be alone.’ I got no response.

I pulled out my old school Mp3 player. It was just a red shiny kidney looking one, I refused to shell out for the fancy one with the fruity label. I still got teased for carrying around what the kids now consider a technological relic, but I liked my little kidney. I flicked through and found one of my favourite tunes to relax to, ideally in a hot bath with a huge glass of pinot grigio or a GnT. Leaning back against the cold stone, I closed my eyes and let the tune work it’s magic while I took stock in the events of, not only the last two weeks, but the last long months. The tears rolled down my cheeks and I whimpered into my hands.

The first song was a slow melody by a red haired gentleman from my country. It was romantic and heartfelt and I started to pace around the room. I thought of my past and then thoughts inevitably gravitated to Cullen. I wondered if we would get the chance to be something or if fate had other plans. I was so torn. I was really starting to feel things for my Commander and I wanted so much to give in to them, but what if I had to go back home at some point? I was starting to get more anxious the longer I went without answers about the mark on my hand or the rift. I worried I would never be able to truly feel at home here. The tune ended and another one began. The creaking floorboards and the sound of wind through the holes in the roof were adding to the haunting beginning. The next song was Bring Me To Life by Evanescence. I needed this angst. I felt the music thrumming through me.

‘ Frozen inside, without your touch…..Without your love, darling’

The earbuds were at top volume creating the outside noise cancelling solitude that I so desperately needed. I sang the song like I was the only woman in all of Thedas. I felt free here in this roof. Free to let go and feel. Belting out the song was therapy. Thoughts of Cameron, my brother, my Ex, my job, then falling, dragons and glowing, fighting, new friends and Cullen. All of it flooding into my head and letting out the lyrics to the song was like I was processing all of it and purging the stress of it from my body. Letting go of some of it before it overwhelmed me.

I forgot what happens when you have earbuds in. I had no idea that my voice was as loud as it was tonight or that the acoustics of the mountains that surrounded Skyhold combined with it’s design carried my voice throughout the whole of the fortress. Most people within its walls who were still awake, heard my singing, _CULLEN_ heard my singing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel pretty, oh so pretty. 
> 
> Parties and fluff.

 

The next afternoon when I walked into the War room my advisors were looking at me differently. In fact, as I recall, when I went through the Great Hall to get here, there were more hushed whispers than usual. What was going on here?

 

‘What?’ Out with it, you lot!’ I put my hands on my hips, tapped my foot and waited for an answer I didn't really want.

 

Josephine smiled as Leliana enlightened me. ‘Are you sure you aren’t a bard? Do you remember anything about your past being musical? Can you play an instrument? Or is it just singing that you do?’ She smirked and looked to Josephine then back to me.

 

My eyes went wide as I searched my advisors expressions for confirmation of what I feared. Josephine's smile was wider with a hint of something. I wonder, if in her eyes, this is another game happening. Bards were known to love the game. I had two in my War room who looked convinced I was one of them. Were they playing with me? Cullen had a different expression. I couldn’t tell it’s meaning yet, but it was intense. His eyes took all of me in, it looked almost like ….hunger? Instant shivers. I had to look away from him, I needed to focus.

 

‘I remember much more of my past now, yes, but I am no bard. There are no bards, well, not like here. We have a lot of subcategories to things.’ I started to pace a little bit in front of the table as I spoke. ‘Ok, ok, it’s time I explained things a bit more.’ I was so nervous every time I had talk about this stuff that my hands get fidgety constantly.’I am from a different place and possibly a different time. That sounds crazy, but it’s true and I don’t want the people to lose faith in the Inquisition because of how crazy that sounds. They have believed me to be the Herald of Andraste, their Inquisitor. If it comes out now that I am from a totally different world in another place and possibly another time, it might stretch the limits of what they believe. What will they think? What do you guys think?’

 

‘The people may think what all of us here have always thought, that no matter where you hail from, you are here to help us in our time of great need.’ Josephine tried to assure me. She was a good friend. Leliana was too, but more of a realist, which I appreciated as well.

 

‘But they may not. The Inquisitor is right to have held back. We are in a tricky position. We have  secured the support of the mages, Empress Celene and Orlais and most recently, the Grey Wardens. People fear what they don’t understand. We need to be cautious here or the Inquisition’s support will dwindle and we will not be able to stop Corypheus.’ Leliana offered a sympathetic smile, but she was right.

 

I looked at Cullen and he immediately looked down at the table in deep thought. He didn’t know what to think about this. Will it change how he thinks of me?

 

‘I would still very much like to tell all of you and my closest friends and associates, the truth in varying degrees of appropriateness. The four of us here will have full disclosure.’ I looked at Cullen for this bit but he didn’t meet my eyes right away. What was going through his head, I wonder. ‘But I would like to say it in my own way. Please trust me that you will all know the same truth at the end of it, ok?’

 

They all looked at me and nodded.

 

‘Ok, now let’s talk about our next steps here. Cullen, did you hear back from Rylen?' I asked.

 

The rest of the meeting went as they always did. Plans set out before us. Leliana was going to speak to Scout Harding about heading out ahead of me to our new location. I will be debriefed on arrival.  I took in what Leliana was saying, but my eyes kept catching Cullen looking at me and then quickly looking away. At the end of the meeting I stared until he looked at me. I gave him an inquisitive smile before leaving the War room to go and speak to Dagna about something.

 

I spoke with Dagna in private and asked her to make me something very special. I had to show her my technological relic in order for her to have a vision what it was I was asking for. She was so excited by it’s material and buttons, I promised to let her study it when it ran out of charge. I showed her the earbuds and she thought she understood what I was asking. I drew out a crude idea of a very large metal cone you’d find on a phonograph. She said she could do it and to give her a week or two. I nodded in delight. She wanted to keep my Mp3 player, I could tell by how long she held it in her hands before passing it back. Almost like a magpie back home who’s seen a shiny bit of foil from a food wrapper and can’t look away. I chuckled.

 

‘Someday, it will be yours, but I need it for a few things first.’ I said as I popped it back in my bag and headed up to my room to change my clothes and get ready for dinner.

 

Tonight’s dinner was for the top advisors and a couple of my closest who wanted to come. We were entertaining Duke [ Cyril de Montfort ](https://dragonage.fandom.com/wiki/Cyril_de_Montfort) in an attempt to get Josephine’s family’s titles reinstated. It would have elements of the game and a number of my team hated that. Sera said it wasn’t her thing and she wanted to go ask Dagna if she’d help her with something. I had noticed Dagna had asked about Sera when I spoke to her as well. Perhaps there is some chemistry there. Poor Cullen, he hates this sort of thing, but as an advisor, he held no get out of jail card for this evening. It was going to be hell, but he would endure.

 

Josephine had bought me a dress for the occasion. She knew my style and it was the least Orlesian I could get away with without rumours. So there was bling, but no ruffles. It was a gorgeous form fitting deep burgundy dress with intricate gold embroidery in a swirly elven-inspired pattern with shiny clasps that ran down my back. I would need a lot of help getting out of this later. Cullen. Leliana had picked out my shoes. They were beautifully delicate kitten heels with gold embroidery and what looked like small topaz stones laid out in a swirly pattern. _Exquisite!_ I threw my hair up in a loose bun and let a few stray curls fall naturally where they may. I secured it with another amazing piece from Josephine, an intricate dragonfly hair comb. I felt like a princess. I would never allow myself such extravagance back home. I decided to go with it.

I grabbed Dorian along the way. He complimented me on my attire, I returned the compliment, he looked so very handsome in his dark brown outfit with royal blue accents. It was very Tevinter. I think he was making a bit of a statement here in case conversation headed in certain political directions. A wise choice. Both of us were not huge fans of talking politics. I simply didn't know enough of the ways here to have the confidence to weigh in and Dorian just wanted to drink wine and socialise.

 

We arrived in the great hall and Cullen was already there. His military training made him very prompt for things. He looked like he already had a toe in hell. He was surrounded by three women who appeared to be fawning over him. He doesn't handle flattery well. He looked so very handsome in his finery, I could see why they gathered around him, but I thought I best rescue him. Yes, out of complete jealousy.

 

‘Cullen, where is Josephine?’ I asked. He turned to me and smiled widely.

 

‘Let me help you find her, I needed to ask her something before dinner starts!’ he headed towards me. ‘Ladies, It was lovely to meet you, but if you will excuse me, I have matters to attend to.’ He politely said as he turned back to me.

 

We walked into her office to find her and Leliana snickering about something.

 

‘Did you see her shoes? She had the gall to wear the same shoes she wore at the palace a month ago!’ I heard Josephine say as I walked in. They were loving this evening already.

 

When we got to our table, The Duke was just arriving from the other entrance. Jospehine whispered under her breath that that was calculated, all part of this game I had no idea how to play. I sat at the head of the table and the Duke at the other end. The rest of the table consisted of Dorian, Cullen, then Philippe du Montfort. He was Cyril’s brother and high ranking military man. On the other side of the table, far left was The Duke’s wife Roselyn. She had pointy features and beautiful hair the colour of honey that was braided intricately all the way down her back. She smiled at her husband adoringly. I had heard that he had rescued her from a terrible arranged marriage right before the ceremony and they had been happy together ever since. It had caused a scandal, but his overwhelming wealth more than repaired for any damages to reputation. I believe Leliana and her spies had long ago helped keep some of the objectors permanently quiet on the matter. His meeting was to offer us his money in support and all that he asked in return was that we apply influence on Empress Celene to raise his title even further by praising his help to the Inquisition and pulling all the right strings. Before this dinner, I had asked Josephine and Leliana’s take on what we should do and both agreed that this union would also serve us well, so here we were. Next to Roselyn was Leliana and then Josephine was to my left.

 

‘So Duke, it has been a long time, do you still play?’ Leliana asked.

 

‘I can’t believe you remember that. Yes, yes I do on the occasion get a moment to myself when the world stops and it’s just me and and the sheet music. One of life’s true pleasures. How about you?’ He beamed at her.

 

Josephine piped in as well. ‘I remember that time I was passing through ...what was the name of that village? It will come to me..  and my sister and I saw your show. That was a wonderful day. I wanted to leap up there and join you!’

 

‘Do you play the lute, Inquisitor?’ The Duke asked me.

 

‘I’m afraid I do not. I took piano and guitar lessons as a child, to my mother’s insistence, but only kept up with the piano.’ I smiled as I gulped down my wine, blissfully unaware that there was nothing like a piano in this world. I noticed the silence.

 

‘You’ll have to play for us sometime.’ Leliana saved me...or did she…..’One thing the Inquisitor has is an incredible singing voice.’

 

‘She really does, like a songbird’ Dorian chimed in while giving me a wide smile of obnoxiousness.

 

I kicked him under the table. ‘Fine, fine, so not just my advisors, but the whole of Skyhold heard me singing the other night. I get it.’ I scanned the rest of the table and when I came to Cullen, he had stopped talking war to Philippe and had put his spoon down and was looking right at me.

 

‘You kid, Dorian, but I have never heard a voice like it, nor do I think I ever will.’ A little smirk meant just for me before he picked up his spoon and turned once again to Philippe.

 

Dorian’s turn to kick me under the table and give me that slightly raised eyebrow. I turned as red as a fresh cooked lobster.

 

Thankfully, I didn’t make a further fool of myself and dinner went along without any more modern girl words or embarrassing anecdotes about the Inquisitor’s social fumbles. It was a subdued evening. I was thankful for this. The last few months have been a whirlwind. Any peaceful moments I get are cherished.

We retired to one of the lounge areas and had nightcaps and chatted into the evening. I had a lovely conversation with Roselyn. For a lady of this time, she would have fit right in with mine. She was no wallflower, since marrying Cyril, she had set up her own refugee medical facility at one of their summer homes and hired a doctor and several nursing staff to run a tight ship. She was an avid painter and when I told her how I loved to paint, she promised when she was next visiting, we would make a day out of it and go to a scenic spot and paint landscapes. I couldn’t wait. I hadn’t painted anything since I had been here and it made sense to start. It was something that calmed me down and made me at peace. Sorely needed in my life at this moment in time. I had done a few sketches, but I didn’t know the first place to even look for art supplies here. Must speak to Josephine about that.

 

I started to get a terrible headache so I said my good nights to all shortly after Roselyn and Cyril went to their bed chambers. Cullen was still talking to Philippe, but stood up as I was about to leave.

 

‘Inq...Emma, wait.’ He started walking out of the room with me. ‘Sorry, should I call you Inquisitor at something like this?’ the hand went instinctively to his neck as Cullen stumbled for words. ‘Ugh, I am terrible at this, again. Your dress…you….I just wanted to say that you look beautiful tonight.’ Cullen took my hands in his and looked at me with such a warm smile. I started melting a little. ‘I think for someone unfamiliar with our customs, you are doing remarkably well. You are very charming, Emma. You’ve charmed us all here tonight, especially me.’ At that he leaned in and brushed his lips against mine. It was a light kiss with a hint of longing, but Cullen stepped back. ‘I better get in before Josephine and Leliana start noticing or you and I will hear nothing else at the table tomorrow.’ He smiled and brushed a hair out of my face.

 

‘Thank you, Cullen. Goodnight.’  I kissed his cheek lightly and beamed the whole way back to my room.

 

These kisses were starting to stack up in my head now. Did he want more? He wouldn't keep kissing my like this if he wasn't into me, surely. I sure as hell wanted more. A lot more. I wasn't talking of _that kind_ of more. We both clearly wished for more of that. I was talking 'a life together' more. I was buzzing way too much, I needed to calm down and get some sleep. I had another long trip away the day after tomorrow. Tomorrow was going to be a day of planning, packing and all that boring and tedious, but necessary stuff. It would mean that I could spend most of the day with Cullen, however, it also meant we wouldn’t have any chance for alone time either. This was probably a good thing as I reminded myself I wasn’t supposed to be getting involved. I knew these were a bunch of bad decisions I was making, but I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t help thinking of him and wanting to be a more important person in his life.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut. It is finally happening. Or is it? Yeah, it is. 
> 
> I have never wrote out a proper smut scene in it's entirety. Eeeek!

More fighting, more recruiting, a special mission to uncover some ancient ruins and it was nearly a month until I returned, but I had finally found something. Only Dorian and I were around when we stumbled across it. It was a portal. A portal just like the one I fell through. This one was just outside the Hinterlands I had approached it cautiously and had thrown a stick through it and it did not return. Dorian and I thought about what else we could use to test it. He tried trapping a rabbit, but that was rather embarrassingly unsuccessful. We left it and returned to Skyhold. Probably best as I can just see us sending it to a totally different world, pregnant, where it could spread like a plague, like they did in Australia.

 

When I got back to Skyhold, Cullen was at the gates waiting for me. One of Leliana’s ravens spotted our return a while back and had sent word of our imminent arrival. We didn’t need technology here, people got along just fine without it. That was refreshing.

 

I jumped off my horse and was about to greet him with a kiss and embrace until I realised that while everyone probably knew all about our budding…...whatever this was, we had never displayed it in public before. I paused, thinking of how to play things when Cullen grabbed me hoisted me into the air, hugged me and let me slide down to kiss level where he planted one on me for all to see.

 

I am sure he could feel my grin spread while our kissing continued. A month away from him. It was getting harder and seemingly longer every time now. I craved this man’s touch and I barely ever got to feel it. I wanted to go to his quarters and get lost in his bedsheets with him. I needed him. This was moving way too slow, but I had to remember, this is not my world. I better get this time stuff sorted first. In my world, I probably would have slept with him a million times over by now and we’d be living in a flat somewhere and slowly contemplating getting a cat. I broke the kiss. ‘I missed you so much, Cullen.’ I planted several gentle kisses to his lips and scar, then the tip of his nose. He laughed and put me down. He started grabbing bags off me and the horse and walked with me up the stairs.

 

‘You have no idea how I have missed you, Emma. You find your way into every spare thought I have. Sometimes I find I can think of nothing else until….’ Cullen blushed noticeably. ‘I am no longer distracted and have a new task to attend to.’ I think I filled in the gaps in his story correctly. I too found myself thinking about us when alone. We reached the great hall and the door that led to my quarters. ‘I’ll just leave your stuff at the top of the stairs, they have prepared a bath for you. I will see you at dinner?’ He took a little piece of my hair and twirled it around and put it behind my hair. ‘Even battle worn and filthy and if I am honest, a little pungent, you are a beautiful woman, Emma.’ He smiled at his own joke, eyes going wide before suppressing my protests with a kiss then he turned and ran my things up the stairs, taking two at a time and down again in record time.

 

‘I will see you at dinner, indeed, but may I ask if you have any plans this evening? I really need to tell you something. _THE_ something, if you are ready to hear it. We can come back to one of our rooms, away from listening ears?’ I smiled at him, it had a hint of want.

 

‘Absolutely, Emma. Wherever you need me, there I will be.’ He kissed my forehead and walked away.

 

It was a romantically dramatic statement and I felt flutters in my stomach. Tonight. I would tell him everything. If he accepted it and didn’t find me insane, I would have this man in my bed.

 

I removed my clothing and slid down in the steaming hot water and relaxed into thoughts of what Cullen would be like in bed. Would he map me out like the one in the war room, sending out relief efforts to the areas that needed it most? Hmmmm, let’s hope so. He always took command of the war table map and he always insisted he moved the pieces, saying he had the longest reach. Does he like to be the one to set the pace in lovemaking as well? I want to find these things out.

 

I sat next to Cullen at dinner and his hand would frequently touch mine or brush my leg as he went for his serviette. Every touch sent little jolts of electricity through me and made me think naughty things. As dinner ended, I told him I would come to his office in an hour or so. I ran back to my room, freshened myself up, put on my most easily accessible clothing that revealed significantly more cleavage than previous outfits. I did my hair, rubbed a bit of Leliana’s recommended scented oils to my pulse points and grabbed the MP3 player and headed to Cullen’s office.

 

‘Come in, Emma.’ His voice sounded ever so lightly huskier than normal.

 

I walked in to see Cullen at his desk in….plain clothes? I had never seen him in anything but his armour since I had met him. The shirt he was wearing now was a light tan linen undershirt, untied at the top revealing a tantalising triangle of a strong manly chest. It’s more of him than I had ever seen. I think my mouth was open a bit in awe.

 

‘Emma, you look, Maker, you look so … I give up. Words fail me and the word good is not good enough.’ He put his pen down, got up and walked over to me. I wanted him to kiss me, so badly, but I knew once I started, I wouldn’t stop and I really needed him to know the truth before I went any further. I was already way far gone, but he deserved to know what he was getting in to. I just wanted him to know me. I love music so much, it will be what I miss most about the world I came from if I never go back. So, I made the ‘gimme one sec’ hand gesture before he got in kissing distance and grabbed the shiny red kidney and earbuds and handed it to him.

 

Cullen looked at me with utter confusion then back at his hand. He rolled the MP3 player around in his fingers, he was visible startled when he found a button and a little red light came on. He was slack jawed and kept looking from the kidney to me then back to the kidney.

 

‘What is this made of? It looks like a very light metal that looks almost liquid...but it is not. How can it?’ He pressed the button again and the earbuds made tinny far away music sounds. I pressed it again and turned it off.

 

‘It’s a material called plastic, mainly, but it does have a few metal bits that connect everything together inside.’ I said ‘In my world, we have a lot of things like this that allow us to communicate over great distances to one another, instantly. Unfortunately, I dropped my thing called a phone just before I fell through the rift. If I had it, I could show you things from my world and everyone would understand that I am telling the truth. I hope the music will help demonstrate some of the best of what my world had to offer.’

 

I had no idea how I was to explain to someone who has only heard music played out in the open air with very little acoustics and harmony, how a tiny device can contain an entire band who had recorded the song with many instruments and vocals that were then tweaked in a studio to a near perfect sound. You need to just let someone experience it because it’s beyond comprehension and words will always fail. I had to try to pick Cullen’s first song from my world. _No pressure then!_  I needed a song that would basically ‘blow him away’ while showing just where the music of my world could go.

 

I toyed with a few options, but I went for a classic. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. I sat Cullen down on some furs that I laid out on the floor in front of his desk. I sat directly in front of him. Our crossed legs touching at the knees.I put the earbuds on Cullen’s ears, making sure to test the volume in mine first so it wasn’t too loud, but loud enough for me to hear as well. Thankfully, I didn’t have the kind that go directly in your ear, they just sat snugly at the edge. The nurse in me won’t let me use the other type.

 

‘Is this the real life……Is this just fantasy…?’ Freddie and the group harmonised.

 

Cullen jumped up off the ground and pulled the earbuds out, looking all over the place for the source of the music. I got up and reached out and held on to his hand and pulled him back down to sit. He looked downright terrified. I put his earbuds back in, reassuringly cupped his face and pressed start so the song began again. I put my hand to his eyes and covered them. ‘Close your eyes, Cullen. Give into it.’

 

I leaned in close so I could hear the parts in the song and I waited. When the piano came in I lightly played it one handed on his forearm. His eyes popped open and he was looking at me. I put my hand back to his eyes and he closed them. ‘Mama….just killed a man.’  I continued to play the imaginary keyboard on his skin. One of his fingers began to lightly tap on his knee. I heard the symbols; the drums came in and I lightly slapped his thigh. The eyes flashed open again and I think I detected a little bit of hunger in those amber pools. Piano again, building…..’Too late! My time has come!’ I sang every word and held his gaze and continued as the song built towards the crescendo. Air Guitar, Air drums, you name it, I played it.  I didn’t make him close his eyes again, it was coming up to the big part. Piano goes all staccato. ‘I see a little silhouetto of a man!’ Cullen’s eye darted and he had a look of pure delight when the harmony goes from one earbud to the other. Building once more, I kept playing the piano on his leg than switch to drums and conducting. ‘Will not let you go. Let Me go!’.........’Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me...for me...for meeeee!!!!’ _YES!!!!_ His eyes were as wide as saucers. My head was banging, I was playing the imaginary guitar and Cullen looked at me as if I’d gone completely insane, but he smiled, he felt it, he felt the music and he felt drawn in to it. He smiled wider and I could see him letting himself go.:’So you think you can stop me and spit it my eye!’ He didn’t take his eyes of me as I sat in front of him and belted all the words and swayed in all the right places and often only about a foot from his face. ‘Ohhhhh Baby, Can’t do this to me, Baby!’ It was an intimate act between us as if we had been old friends. His hands were tapping his knees in tune as if he could conceive of the instruments he heard. The music slowed. ‘Nothing really matters, to me……’ As the last note played I went to pull the earbuds out and he went to do the same but grabbed my hands instead and pulled them into his lap. He closed his eyes and went silent for what felt like a full minute, but was probably only a few seconds. My heart rate increased and his breathing was heavy. When he opened them again, he had a serious almost sad look.

 

‘Thank you for sharing that with me. You must have been so frightened to be in a land you don’t know with ways that are not your own. You have been unbelievably brave. I can only imagine what this has been like for you.’  He let go of my hands to take his earbuds out. He handed them to me and I grabbed the music player from his lap, turned it off and sat back and started to obsessively wrap it up. _Don’t waste the battery needlessly. Once it’s gone there is no way to recharge it and you still need it._

 

‘I don’t understand how you haven’t gone mad trying to get back to your world. It is a world that makes music like that. It seems far more advanced than this world. Yet you never complain and you’ve fought alongside us? Why?’ His brow furrowed and he looked in deep thought..

 

‘I am terrified, Cullen, but what good will it do? I have no idea how I got here, so I have no idea if it’s even possible to get back.’ I started fidgeting, I fucking hate that I do it and then because I fret about doing it, I do it more. ‘I found a portal like the one I came through. What if I can go back? What if it pulls me back at some point? Now that I know it’s there, I am forced to think about my future here. I don’t want to hurt you by starting something and then right when we are happy, I get sucked away from it all. I couldn’t handle that. I am already getting too involved with this world.’ I am picking at a thread hanging from my shirt, if I keep picking at this frantic pace, it will unravel.  ‘I shouldn’t have come here tonight. I never thought about not going back at all until now, until ….you.’ I started to panic after having said that aloud and I froze like a nug in headlights.

 

‘I shouldn’t be the distraction that keeps you away from your world. I don’t want you to resent me for that someday. Could I ever feel worthy of you? Of our life together?’ He looked pained.

 

I got to my feet, put all the stuff in my bag and turned to Cullen to give him a smile and bid him good night. I was almost at full panic point. I hadn’t been like this since I was a teenager. I felt like one now. Do I belong here? What should I do?

 

Back to reality, but at least he understood now and more importantly, he believed me.

 

In the morning, it would be back out there trying to find the next rift or the next skirmish with the Templars or Tevinter Magistrates. So much conflict here, but he was here. _What if I no longer wish to go back? I don’t think I do._

 

‘Emma? Don’t go yet...Please? I was just about to pour myself a drink. I sought out a bottle of the whisky you bought me that time in the Herald’s Rest.’ I am pulled back into the moment by his words, it’s all it takes, that and the promise of whisky. I put my bag down and grabbed a stool from the corner and pull it up to his desk.

 

‘Thank you, Cullen.’ I took a swig and let it coat my tongue with it’s rich clean burn. ‘You remember that night, then? Dorian never lets me forget the night I gave you that shot. It’s the first night I admitted to anyone that I had feelings for you. Even though, it seemed everyone already knew.’

 

‘I didn’t know. I hoped, but I wasn’t sure.’ He poured us another. ‘Emma, I never thought I would get this far. No, that’s not how I want to say this, let me start again.’ Cullen was as nervous as I was, it helped. ‘I have had a tough and lonely life for so long.’ He exhaled deeply. ‘That makes me sound like I am indulging in self pity and maybe I am, a little. The things that were done to me, they have ….altered me for good. I have had to work through a lot. My lyrium addiction was so hard to break and took so much out of me and I still have terrible nightmares and the odd craving. I am not out of the woods yet.’ We both took our shots and swallowed them quickly. He poured another.  Liquid courage, we both knew we needed that little edge tonight. A little push. Cullen continued. ‘I just never thought I would want anything more than just survival because that was all I have been concentrating on doing since I escaped that cage of magic at the circle. I didn’t think it could get any worse, I thought I was safe and then ...what happened at Kirkwall. I lost my beliefs and I didn’t know who I was anymore. I have been so close to death that I didn’t think about ever having a life.’ His eyes searched mine. ‘You make me want a life, Emma. I think about it all the time. I want that life.’ Cullen placed his hand on mine and gave it a small squeeze. ‘A life that includes you by my side and ……. In my bed.’ His look was smouldering and I had no chance to resist his words. This man is everything I want.

 

I bit my bottom lip, stood up from my chair, I went to Cullen and straddled him. His hands went to my waist and I pulled his face to mine and kissed him. Things became frantic quickly. His hands dug urgently into my waist and climbed up my back grabbing my shoulders and pulling me harder into his lap. I felt his hardness as I grabbed the hair on the back of his neck and moved my hips in order to build a slow friction. ‘Oh, Emma.’ The kiss became needy and hard and I bit Cullen's bottom lip to encourage the rising passion between us. He growled and shifted his hips upward, pressing more firmly into me.

 

‘Oh fuck.’ I pulled away briefly just to catch my breath and look at him for a moment. I felt the desire surging in me and I smiled at him. I was trying to slow down so it wasn’t over so quickly, but the wanton look in his eye and the redness of his lips from our kissing. I had no chance. It was clear we needed to punch out a quick urgent one so we could get it out of the way and concentrate on the slow build next time. I wanted to try everything with this guy and I would, but right now, I just wanted him inside me.

 

Cullen held me to him as he lifted us to a standing position. He broke the kiss and swept everything off his desk and in one swift movement. He turned his attention back to me and tugged my shirt free from my breeches and lifted it over my head.

 

‘Maker’s breath, what are you wearing?’ I would have been concerned except Cullen said it while holding his own chin in a look that was nothing short of predatory.

 

‘Take off my breeches and see what else you get, it’s a matching set.’ I don’t know what sex god blessed me the day I decided to wear one of my nice sets of matching underclothes to work that day I fell through the rift. It wasn’t my nicest, but it seemed to be doing the trick.

 

He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer. He undid my laces quickly and pulled my breeches down to my ankles but he stayed squatting and looked at me and my body and my ….. Cullen sat down awkwardly, almost like his legs gave way and put his hand over his mouth, stifling a low growl. ‘Emma, are these the underclothes women wear in your world?’ His voice was a little deeper and slower than usual. It was making me crazy.

 

‘These aren’t even close to my best pair, Cullen.’

 

At that, he growled and launched to his feet and lifted me up and propped me on the edge of his desk, which was the PERFECT height. He took my shoes off and let my breeches fall to the floor. He wedged himself in between my legs and went back to kissing me. Hard. His hands were covering a lot of ground quickly, but finally came to rest on my hip and breast. Cullen ran his finger over the material a few times until my nipple had reached a hard peak then he reached to pull it over my head.

 

I giggled. ‘Wait, there is a clasp in the back.’ I reached around awkwardly and unclasped my bra and pulled it off and Cullen reached for my bra and started examining the clasp. He was fascinated by it until I saw it click in his head and he looked up at my naked breasts and dropped the bra to the floor. I giggled again as he palmed them and kissed my neck. ‘Cullen, take your clothes off.’ I whispered in his ear as I brushed the hardness in his trousers and began to unlace them. Cullen reached for his shirt and whipped it off over his head and chucked it in the corner. He kicked his boots off and took hold of his trousers and dropped them to the floor and shoved them aside. He was ….holy hell…. Huge. I purred audibly and before I had a chance to do or say anything else, he took off my panties and cast them aside. Cullen pushed between my legs and pushed my chest down gently until I was lying flat on the table with my legs spread out and curled around him. He grabbed himself in a firm grip and used it to tease between my legs, running it up and down and pausing it at my entrance. Eliciting little moans of desperation from me.

 

I held my breath in anticipation as he gave me a steely hot look before giving me just a bit of him. Not enough. He was trying to ease me into it, clearly afraid of hurting me. We had plenty of time to do the slow exploring. This had been building between the two of us for a long time now. I wrapped my legs around his waist, locked my ankles over his arse and squeezed him forward, taking nearly all of him in one go. His head went back in pleasure with a sharp intake of breath from us both. ‘You and I are going to spend long hours getting to know each other slowly, don’t you worry, but right now I need you to fuck me.’ I smiled and reached down to where we connected and began to rub myself slowly while my other hand played with my breast. At that, Cullen pulled out and slammed back into me and started to build a rhythm. I liked the way I seemingly bounced up and down on his desk as he continued to thrust into me.

 

‘Oh Emma, I fear this will be over too soon. I have never felt… ‘

 

I knew exactly what he meant. I too was at the precipice. ‘Faster…..ahh, yes, right there, Cullen.’ He thrusted harder as I started to rub myself faster. I could feel both of us getting close now, past that point of being able to claw it back a bit. Way past that now.  And at that I felt the rush ‘I….I’m going to….. Uh….. Mmmmmm’ I felt the liquid ecstasy flow through my veins and I clamped onto him harder with each wave of it that passed through me. My hands gripped the desk and my hips rose up and I felt Cullen trying to pull out and I clamped my ankles together and used my thighs to keep him inside me as Cullen’s pleasure took over him.I saw a flicker of panic in his face.

 

‘Emma, are you ...sure? I don’t think….can’t……..ahhhhhhhh……’ Cullen went rigid as he growled out his pleasure. He pumped a few more times and then collapsed against my stomach, still inside me as he expended the last of his energy on one final thrust. ‘Maker’s breath, I never……Emma. Wow.’ and at that he stood up and grabbed a linen cloth and handed it to me as I sat up and hopped off the desk. I chuckled and wiped myself off.

 

‘My legs don’t work, they are like jelly, you probably don’t have jelly here, nevermind.’ I laughed at myself. ‘Well, I don’t know about you, but that really made me want to eat a huge plate of food so we can refuel and do that again as soon as possible.’

 

‘Emma, I can’t even find words worthy of how wonderful that was.’ He came over and hugged me so hard, my face went all smooshed against his hard and delicious chest. I opened my mouth and nibbled him a little.

 

‘Yow! What the ….’ He pulled back and looked down at me and I gave him a demonic smile in response. ‘Oh Maker, what have I done, you are clearly mad. Is it too late to back out?’

 

‘I’m afraid so.’ I said as I snaked my arms around his neck and rose on my tippy toes to give him a huge kiss. ‘Now about that food.’

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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